Google Down the Line!: Who are your final four ladies of Roland Garros? Let's find out!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Who are your final four ladies of Roland Garros? Let's find out!

So it's set. The Roland Garros final four of the ladies' draw were decided today: In the top half we have Francesca Schiavone battling homegirl Marion Bartoli while the bottom half features a Nike showdown between Maria Sharapova and Li Na. Wanna get to know them better? Anyone? Bueller? Fuck it. Just read on.

NAME: Francesca Schiavone
AGE: 30
BIRTHPLACE: Milan, Italy
RESIDENCE: Milan, Italy
This lady baller is the defending champion and likes to go by the nickname “Schiavo”. She enjoys gesturing wildly during her matches (did I mention Schiavo’s Italian?), referring to herself in the third person and making out with the clay when she wins. Last year, she became the first baller from her country to win a major. BRAVA!

NAME: Marion Bartoli
AGE: 26
BIRTHPLACE: Le Puy en Velay, France
RESIDENCE: Geneva, Switzerland
SEEDED: 11th
This Frenchie has an IQ of 175 to match her unorthodox tennis game. She plays double-handed on both sides, enjoys shadow swinging between points and playing yarn games with her cat named Calinette. Oh, she'd also like a sponsor, so if anyone has any interest please tell her dad. She kinda plays well you know.

NAME: Maria Sharapova
AGE: 24
BIRTHPLACE: Nyagan, Russia
RESIDENCE: Bradenton, FL and some place in Manhattan Beach, CA
This Russian blondezilla, affectionately nicknamed “Shrieka” on this blog, is a 3-time Grand Slammer who recently got engaged to fellow giant Sasha Vujacic, a basketballer for the New Jersey Nets. She likes to design her on-court fashions, learn about architecture and spend nights counting her ever-growing bank account. Dislikes? Volleying. She’s due to release her latest creation, SUGARPOVA - a tennis-themed candy, in the very near future.

AGE: 29
BIRTHPLACE: Wuhan, China
RESIDENCE: Wuhan, China
This semifinalist from China is all about making history. She became the first baller from her country to reach a Grand Slam final (Oz Open ’11) and first to make it past the fourth round in Paris. She enjoys shopping, using credit cards and generally kicking ass in all interviews.

Good luck ladies!

[Photo(s): AFP, Getty, AP]
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  1. anyone but shrieka

  2. I'm with anonymous...I'd be happy with anyone but Maria

  3. I hope you guys didn't jinx the other three. They won't be happy.


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