Google Down the Line!: Shrieka takes charge at ESPN the Magazine, spews advice to one and all

Friday, June 19, 2009

Shrieka takes charge at ESPN the Magazine, spews advice to one and all

The issue of ESPN The Magazine featuring Maria Sharapova as Guest Editor is out and it features the Russian baller in various states of dress + undress happily handing out advice to the tennis gods and fellow athletes on everything from how to improve the sport to how to wear nail polish correctly (that would be for wrestler Chuck Liddell - love it.)

Guess who Shrieka might be talking about when she rattled off these two recommendations for improving tennis. I have my guesses:

3.Get rid of the riffraff
And while I'm on the subject: The players' lounge isn't a nightclub, either. It's hard to get ready for a match when there's a bleached-out blonde in six-inch stilettos and a denim miniskirt hanging out. Who is this person, and why is she here?

Marat, leave the hookers at home. Geez.

8.Don't hide the game face
While I was sidelined with my shoulder injury, I watched a lot of tennis on TV. Sometimes I thought, Why do these girls wear so much makeup? I can't even figure out how they keep their eyeliner from running. Athletes should play au naturel.

JJ, maybe showing off your "real" game face might actually scare opponents and win you matches. Try it. Your game could us all the help it can get right now.

And for all you male straighties out there (I know there are one or two, right?) Shrieka let's us in on what this kind of woman wants in her man:

Q.What does a woman of your caliber look for in a man? -- Daniel Gibson, Cavaliers
A.Although you may think I live a glamorous life, I'm pretty simple. Little things make me happy. I love to laugh. I love going to dinner or to a comedy club. I like guys who are polite and quirky. Oh, and you have to be tall.

Like, skyscraper tall.

Read more of her articles and see more pictures over at

(images via courtesy of espn the magazine)


  1. Am I the only straight guy that reads this blog?

    Well, I guess that makes me extra special then!

  2. Time to come out, Seth. You know you want it.

  3. Btw, JJ's face actually scares anyone, with or without makeup. Especially small children and pregnant women.

  4. wait, they took time out of their NFL and NBA drooling to cover tennis?! Let met catch my breath a moment.

    LOL Marat's hookers...XD

  5. Oh well, I guess I (5'7) am the perfect fit for her(6'2)...

  6. JJ is beautiful inside and out

  7. Here's some things Maria should have included on her list:


    2. Stop taking forever between points. Remember when players used to put the balls under their shorts/skirts because they didn't want to waste extra time between points? Keep it moving, stop stalling.

    3. Add some variety to your skills. Play some doubles, get yourself a net game instead of just living at the baseline hitting the crap out of the ball.

    Add those three things to the list and tennis would be more entertaining to watch.


  8. Lisa, totally agree with you. Can I add something else?
    4. Don't be hypocritical about on-court couching. Yuri has done his share.

  9. Lisa and Anon, totally agree with you guys!

  10. 4. Don't be hypocritical about on-court couching. Yuri has done his share.

    ROFL - and Michael Joyce too. One can never forget "Banana Gate" from the year Shrieka won the US Open.

  11. Seriously ESPN? You couldn't have found a better cover picture than that? She has no color on her face.


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