Google Down the Line!: JENNIFER CAPRIATI: depression, thoughts of suicide, and her fight to survive


Thursday, July 19, 2007

JENNIFER CAPRIATI: depression, thoughts of suicide, and her fight to survive

Former child prodigy and 3-time Grand Slam champion, Jennifer Capriati, has been sidelined for almost 2 1/2 years with debilitating shoulder and back injuries. Her last professional match was a 6-0, 6-1 loss to Vera Zvonareva of Russia in November 2004. In a very personal interview with The Olympian, Jennifer, now 31 years old, discusses the injuries, her past struggles with burn-out and drugs, thoughts of suicide, and the struggle to come to terms with her life now.


On her depression:
“If I was at the height of my game, beating Serena Williams, I was on top of the world, but something was still missing inside,” Capriati says. “The happiness factor wasn’t there. I’m still struggling to find out what that is. I’ve always been self-critical. I struggle with trying to like and love myself on a daily basis.”

On the suicidal thoughts:
“Sometimes you get to a point where you can’t stop what you are thinking,” Capriati says. “It’s like you’re being taken over by a demon. You just feel there’s no way out of this space you’re in. It feels like the end of the world. When you are just so exhausted and tired of feeling that way, you (think), ‘I want to be off this planet right now, because I just feel disgusting inside. I can’t even stand my own skin, and I just want to get out.”’

On her injury-induced withdrawal from tennis:
“When I stopped playing, that’s when all this came crumbling down,” Capriati says. “If I don’t have (tennis), who am I? What am I? I was just alive because of this. I’ve had to ask, ‘Well, who is Jennifer? What if this is gone now?’ I can’t live off of this the rest of my life.”

On her outlook for the future:
"I have a choice. Am I going to let this defeat me, and make me not even want to be here? Or am I going to do something to not let this break me down, and maybe help other people? That’s the mission I’m on now, to find happiness and positiveness in the future.”


(image courtesy of Allsport)

2 comments:

  1. SAVED BY GRACE
    About 3 years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of absolute terror. I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit], I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital. I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell. I imagine I was going through some sort of metamorphosis [mental, physical & spiritual]. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis, up until this point in time. I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staff was very supportive [I had no control over my process]. I was released from hospital 16th September 2004, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame]. No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified]. I asked Jesus Christ to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins. Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.” I am a practicing Catholic & the Holy Spirit is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing. I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities. John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time. I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages . God LOVES me so much. Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17].
    PEACE BE WITH YOU
    MICKY

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for sharing your very personal story Micky. I do hope Jennifer stays positive and finds her own way through this dark, challenging time in her life.

    ReplyDelete

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